The title says it all. Two years today, I had surgery to remove a soft tissue sarcoma from the vastus medialis muscle of my right thigh. I’m glad I’ve reached this point. : -)

What have I learned so far???

God has been my rock and redeemer throughout all my trials. I still know to trust Him in everything. Because he delivered me in those trials, He is there in everything else. I still need God’s grace everyday.

I appreciate the life I have been given. I know I need to build relationships with others. I’ve taken for granted a lot of things.

We all face various trials in our lives. And we all experience difficulties. You don’t have to let certain situations bring you down. I know we wish that we would feel comfortable all the time. Life of course is not like that.

Life can still be stressful.

Your world is turned upside down after a diagnosis. You are not the same anymore. And then you start to appreciate everything that you already have and not to waste it.

All interactions and daily life changes, despite the same routine.  There will of course be worry or anxiety around the corner. We don’t know where we will be five years down the road.

I am thankful for all the comfort God has provided. I trust and depend on Him daily.

I met with the doctor today for followup of the scans on Monday. Good MRI and CT. And I have the next 6 months scans in December, then I go to yearly after that. I’m glad for the good results.

Also, it is two years ago today, that I had a biopsy of this tumor. The diagnosis of it was not able to show its true nature. That is very common with sarcomas and it can be easily misdiagnosed. Which of course can delay the proper action that is needed. I am glad that I had it removed, even though I was told it was benign. 🙂

Anxiety can happen with dealing with scans. Especially with all that I have been through, it easy to fall back into that feeling. I know that I will never feel normal. I’ve never experienced that.  What I feel would be normal is not having to deal with any medical issues or trials of that nature. I know everyone has different experiences along the way. But going through all the surgeries and other related things,  has shaped my life in great ways.  I know that God has been there the entire way. I’ve depended on Him since my first surgery at age five. Even today my hope and trust is in Him. And I don’t know what the future holds, but God has been preparing me for it. I still have to rely on Him everyday.

I’m ready for next week to be here already.

I never thought I would this happen. Even though I have been through a lot. The feeling of wanting answers but waiting as the the day approaches can set life back. Scanxiety is setting in.

It is more of a combination of things that has made this set in more.

Well, with leg pain and discomfort setting in, back in late March. Then general feeling of not sure of what is going on but to wait to see if is just temporary.  I was able to have an ultrasound on my leg last month, and it was all clear.  It did not clear up answers in that respect. But my leg was still not feeling normal. So, I’ve been going to physical therapy for the past month. I’ve found out that my right leg is much weaker. Most of that is likely due to the large chunk of muscle being cut from both surgeries in 2013 for better margins. (The muscle that was largely cut out was the vastus medialis muscle and its function is for knee extension.) And yesterday was the last day of physical therapy. The goal was to strengthen the the muscles supporting the knee and ankle/foot.  It has definitely provided improvement more than I realized. I just have to keep up these exercises.

The two upcoming six month scans are the MRI of the femur and CT of the chest next Monday. One checks the surgical site for recurrence and the other checks for metastasis in the lungs. The common site for a sarcoma to go next is the lungs. Still watching that to make sure everything is still stable there.

I’m sure everything will be good. There are days that everyone experiences that seem harder than the previous one. And I still have to trust God in everything because He has constantly provided. In every aspect of my life.

Another review of a play from New Stage Theatre.

It is a British play by Richard Bean based on an Italian play from 1743 named Servant of Two Masters.

I will give  a quick synopsis of the play in a few lines .  Basically it revolves around the main character Francis Henshall (Joseph Frost). He gets himself into a situation with serving two different guvnors, thus the title.  The two different masters have no clue but only you the audience. So, you see Henshall juggle his two jobs with comedy bits thrown into the mix.  I don’t want to give away too much but that is the basic gist of it.

I went to this play last Saturday night alone. I am glad because I wouldn’t have felt comfortable bringing anyone to see this particular play.

The play does have British humor which doesn’t always translate to the same humor you are to expect here.  There are of course some funny parts in the play.  But there is too much repetition of jokes and or gags that run its course by the end of the play. I don’t  agree with all the sexual innuendo being necessary in the play. I didn’t really care for the 50 Shades references either. Again with the comedy bits being a bit dragged out.

This play did have a live band. Even the characters were singing during certain parts in the play. Which brought a different life to this play compared to other plays.   At one point in the night, I wanted them to stop playing because I couldn’t bare the sound of them any longer.  But I moved on eventually.

OK. I will give credit to the cast. I did enjoy watching them perform. They did an excellent job. Each character had their own idiosyncrasy.  So, with all roles combined it did bring the play together.

Sometimes, I laughed and at times it made feel uncomfortable with some of their gags. Some of the jokes brought out some silence from the audience. But they kept on rolling with what they had.

I was reading a review of the play and when performed in Hong Kong,  it did not go over so well with the comedy bits with Alfie. The review states, “Where old people are treated with rather more respect. There it was met by silence and the odd gasp of disapproval. ” And it is because there is a repetition of gags with Alfie falling down stairs and other antics. The audience gets the perspective of what is about to happen next to the characters.  So, they don’t even see what it is coming to them. I did laugh at those parts but it is not necessary to overdue it.

I could go on about it, but I will stop.  This play is not for everyone. I would say I am ashamed to tell anyone that I saw this play. Because of the general material within the play. But I respect how plays come to life on stage.

It is great New Stage can bring plays of all calibers to the stage here in Jackson, MS.  I can’t be expected to enjoy every play that I see.  Not everyone appreciates the live stage.  But for what it’s worth, everyone should get out and go to a local play in their area to support the arts.

I’ve realized my last update on this side of the blog was back in May 2014. I think I will use this day in 2015 to bring it to life. Even though I saw this play a month ago, back on January 10. It is never too late to start back.

I don’t think I would have went to this play alone. Even though I enjoy the productions put on by New Stage. I usually don’t have that many free Saturday nights after New Stage and Mississippi Symphony get onto my calendar.  So, I went with a friend who expressed interest in it. And thus I bought the tickets in December in anticipation of the play. I am glad I followed through with it.

The good thing about the play being Peter Pan is that you can actually can have show dates after Christmas. Unlike the Christmas Carol which I’m sure most people would not express interest in seeing after Christmas.

I’m always impressed by the plays of New Stage, even the ones that I’m unsure of seeing. I was looking forward to Peter Pan

Now, on to a semi-review of Peter Pan.

Again for a local theatre, this play was impressive.

If you remember watching the 1960 version of the Peter Pan movie with Mary Martin as a kid or even the Disney classic from 1953, both which I did enjoy. Seeing the play live brings it back to life.

It easy to immerse yourself back into the play once it begins. From the lights, to the sounds, and nicely designed sets. Of course the play was geared towards children, because who else would need the memories of Peter Pan once they finally grow up. We sometimes don’t want to grow up, just like the lost boys in Peter Pan. Thus we watch this particular play to bring us back to a time, when we were not there yet. So, as adults we can indulge ourselves in a play like Peter Pan.

Once of the main things, I was looking forward to was the flying effects they were incorporating into the play. And it did not disappoint. From the shaggy dog to the crocodile it was all there. It helps having a great cast to pull the play together.  The play overall was great.

So, for two hours you can immerse yourself into a different world when you watch a play live. It is a different experience, then watching a big production movie at the movie theatre. Sometimes you have to get out and support the local arts. It helps getting out, and experiencing life around you.

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Side Note:

I’ve realized more now that I’ve been sitting in the wrong seat to view the play. I have two tickets for each play in the season. And my favorite seat doesn’t give the vantage point of viewing a friend enjoying the play. The first time I switched seats was back at Ms. Mannerly when I brought a friend along who enjoys plays at New Stage. It was the best seat for him to see the play better.  I noticed then I could actually see a friend enjoying the play. I’ve been missing out in the past seasons by not switching seats. I was focused on the play, and did not see the enjoyment of friends who came along. I’ve missed all those smiles and laughs. I have now found my new seat. And all it took was giving up the best seat, so a friend could enjoy the play without obstruction.

Moving beyond cancer. Is there a point from which you can? Maybe not so early in the game. Only time will tell.

Life continues to pickup and get busy. It is never ending, day in and day out.

Truthfully you need to find the time, to fit others into your life. It may not seem like it is possible, but don’t make work your life. If you can make room, you will be able to fit others into your life. I’ve been able to do just that this past week by simply meeting with friends for lunch. It helps break up the week

Of course, you would rather life be busy and not have to deal with any hard issues. If you combine those two, they will easily collide. I’m sure it would be tough for someone who has never dealt with any hard pressing issues to have those two worlds collide.

Well, how soon do I forget at times about my own life. The ways I get through anything is just to look back at what I’ve personally been through.  Why worry about the mundane things of life. Even though, I still get caught up in those very things. I have a sovereign God who brought me through many trials. I still don’t know why I’ve been all through these trials in my life. I’m still trying to figure that out.

And at this point, no upcoming scans until June. Last year, I had a good bit of scans. Eight total. Some concerns arose because of the uncertainty of those scans. So, this year should be four at the minimum. Glad last year is behind me.

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Statistics.  For instance a study of 10 patients vs 100 patients, both are too small to put a patient into a particular category. There is not enough to come to a concrete conclusion. This is in relation to a doctor’s visit crossed with a conference in DC last year. Mainly about recurrence rates and followup scans. The doctor agreed about the study statistics. I disagree with the shorter followup suggestions. She said we will deal it when will get to that point.

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Moving forward. Take the time to do what you want to do. Whether you want to learn to play the piano or learn to dance. We don’t know how long we are here. Get up, because there is never time like the present. If we don’t? Well, the choice is yours. But you will be glad you did.

Life has been busy the past few weeks. Of course with medical related things, it can add some stress. I had two different scans back in early September. One of them was a follow up CT of the chest, which showed two small ground glass pulmonary nodules 4-mm and 3-mm respectively. Since, they are small I still have no answer for it, but still have to follow up on this to make sure nothing changes. I rather not have more radiation since a chest CT  contains a lot and it will be about four chest CT’s in a years time starting around late last year. There are pros and cons of the scans, but what problems can occur down the road because of these is the main issue. Hopefully I can get a lower dose CT scan arranged for the  future six month scans. The next being in December.

The other scan, which I haven’t had in awhile but needed to be done was the brain MRI.  I’m sure most people who know me  or read this blog, don’t know why I need a brain MRI. I do need to followup to make sure nothing has changed. I rarely think about it, since it has been there for such a long time. It all goes back to when I was around seven(maybe earlier). I’ve had brain MRI’s because of the mass in my brain. I’ll step back and explain. Of course is a cause for concern, especially when you are a child at a young age being diagnosed with one.  I’ve had no treatment at all. I’ve had several MRI’s to followup on this when I was younger. It was on the wait-and-watch approach, because the area its in is inoperable. Still even with today’s technology it would still not be conducive in my opinion to perform that operation(But then again I haven’t researched enough about this)  I stopped following up for a span of ten to fifteen years .  The followup I had after all those years was in 2007 and 2008.  So, six years later here I am with this one.  I’ve never really known the size of it, can’t find any medical reports describing the particular size.  I found out on this scan the size described. It being  3  cm in length, 3.6 cm in width and 2.5 cm anteroposterior(front to back) diameter. Also from the report describes it being a moderate-size mass with poorly defined margins in the dorsal lower brain stem and into the upper cervical cord and centered in the medulla and extends to the inferior pons and into the middle cerebellar peduncles.

Well, it is unchanged since 2007. I’m not sure about how much it has changed since scans around 1991  and earlier, since I have no indication of the particular size in my old reports. I thought it was much smaller than the report indicated. And I was under the impression it was a few millimeters. I never think about it because it has been there for a long time. But when I do I realize I have a lot to be thankful for in my life.

God has been good. I’m really thankful for all He has done. I know I’ve been through a lot. I know God has constantly watched over me in my life. I know he answers prayers. So, with each new trial or anything really. I can constantly count on Him. Time and time again, it is easy to worry about the little things in life. But to look back and see how He constantly provides. I need not worry. He provides in the great and small.

“All I have needed Thy hand hath provided.”